there has certainly been a more-than-fair amount of threshing and winnowing to get here, but the wheat seems to be well and truly seperated from the chaff and it didn't take a machine any more advanced than my own foolishness and/or wisdom to get me here.

i first put words here nine and a half years ago. NINE AND A HALF YEARS. i see people reconnecting with long losts all the time on facebook and twitter and classmates and all of that, but social networking hasn't really gotten its dirty claws into my fleshy bits yet. i'm pretty sure if i keep missing the boat it'll probably sail to parts unknown before i get my sea legs. i don't think i'm missing grand adventure, and i don't want to sail around the warm parts of the ocean until i'm retired anyhow.

which isn't to say that i don't miss some of the smiling faces that made this place affect me so much that i'm unwilling to let a diary i haven't so much as glanced in the general direction of in years just fade in the ethernets; i'm just not ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille, and the more thought i gave to it the less the spotlight seemed like anything other than something that makes me sweat and squint (and as anyone who's spent any degree of time with me can attest, i can manage both of those without any assitance at all).

i blush fairly regularly. do you blush? when was the last time you blushed? my girl can make me turn eight shades of red just by giggling the right way at something i've said. it's honestly delightful.

[side note : you know that "users online right now" thing on the sidebar? i know one of them! one of them lists me as a friend and is online right now! that, i did not expect to see. i figured the old guard had given it up, but no... at least one of you is still actively using this little space to unburden. unless it's the wackiest coincidence today, a title which has not yet been claimed.]

"i fell a million times / a million times i'll fall again / i never cared about the drop / it's getting up i've got an interest in" has been stuck in my head for years now. years. i wish i'd known which way was up way back when i couldn't stand on my own two feet well enough to see the horizon but getting here was gotten to and i doubt anyone else has had an easier time of it anyhow. so i just sing that song and reminisce fondly over that which mattered and sing that song and ignore entirely that which didn't.

might even pick up a guitar again sometime soon so i can sing a little more loudly without feeling so self-conscious about the tune.

hey there, diaryland. how's your mom? can't promise i'll be back anytime soon, but the thought does cross my mind from time to time.

if you go to gmail, you can find me under radiosilents. i don't check it often, but i check it more often than i update here.